SYDNEY — Australians reportedly experienced the most confusing pharmaceutical plot twist in recent memory after months of ADHD medication shortages were followed by authorities uncovering a record underground cocaine stash, sources have confirmed.
Coincidence?
According to reliable insiders, absolutely not.
The discovery reportedly came after an unusually determined group of doctors launched what they described as a “patient retention initiative.”
“We’re simply committed to continuity of care,” one physician explained while pointing suspiciously at a freshly disturbed patch of dirt.
“Now keep digging.”
Authorities say the investigation began when patients collectively reported that waiting rooms had become strangely quiet and doctors had started asking questions like, “Have you considered… focusing?”
The resulting operation uncovered an enormous buried cocaine cache, prompting one detective to remark, “I’ve never seen this many medical professionals suddenly interested in excavation.”
Health officials quickly assured the public the two events were unrelated.
The public reportedly nodded while continuing not to believe them.
Economists estimated workplace productivity immediately returned to normal, meaning everyone once again spent half the afternoon looking for the email they had open five minutes earlier.
Scientists, meanwhile, admitted they had lost track of whether the shortages lasted three months, three weeks, or roughly the length of a staff meeting.
As of press time, authorities had reportedly discovered another suspicious package labeled “Definitely Vitamins,” which investigators agreed was “trying just a little too hard.”
Webster’s unabridged defines adult ADHD as “a condition characterized by not being able to maintain focus long enough to snort the second line.”
( I hate it when that happens ! )