Progressive leaders reportedly held an emergency Christmas Eve meeting to determine which parts of Christmas would be considered offensive this year sources have confirmed
The closed-door gathering included AOC, Elizabeth Warren, Chuck Schumer, Ilhan Omar, and several aides clutching oat-milk lattes and color-coded outrage binders.
The agenda focused on identifying holiday traditions that remain dangerously popular despite years of progressive scolding.
According to sources, the meeting quickly devolved into heated debate over whether Christmas trees are symbols of capitalism, environmental violence, or both.
AOC allegedly proposed replacing them with “seasonally neutral affirmation poles,” while Warren suggested a wealth tax on stockings exceeding a “reasonable gift threshold.”
Schumer warned that Americans appearing joyful could undermine months of carefully cultivated outrage, while Ilhan Omar raised concerns about caroling, calling it “unregulated emotional noise.”
Tim Walz reportedly asked if Minnesota could preemptively cancel Christmas just to be safe.
The group also discussed Nancy Pelosi’s final Christmas season in office, agreeing the best way to honor her legacy was to continue lecturing Americans about celebrating incorrectly.
Staffers say the meeting ended without consensus, though participants agreed to issue strongly worded statements condemning Christmas for existing.
As of press time the group was still debating whether Santa’s list constitutes unauthorized data collection
Sadly, you left out the part of their discussion that centered around DEI expectations. In it they requested that depictions of Santa Claus show them as of neutral gender with parentage that includes Africans, Europeans, South Asians, East Asians, native Americans, Neanderthals, and Elves. They want it to be clear that this Santa Claus adheres to their policy of a person being able to be the product of up to 15 natural parents simultaneously
How are they going to get rid of the calendar??? 2025 AD (Years After the Death of Jesus). Surely they will come up with a progressive way to do that next.
The “progressives” have already been pushing that change into the calendar – referring to B.C. as “B.C.E.” for “before the common era” and A.D. as “C.E.” for the “common era”.
Nice job Ron !
They’re libtards. I don’t care what they think or how they feel. Personally, I feel they’d best serve all Americans by Clintonciding themselves. Oh, and by the way, have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I really thought this site was supposed to be satire in nature. Far too close to truth!