Sherrill Declares She “Clips Coupons” While Brandishing 18K Gold-Plated Scissors

Mikie Sherrill, Democratic candidate for governor of New Jersey, continues to assure voters that she “understands their struggles,” despite recent reports that her family’s fortune now stretches longer than the Jersey Turnpike and comes with its own toll booths, sources have confirmed.

Sherrill, whose financial disclosures list assets somewhere between $4.8 and $14 million, was seen on the campaign trail explaining that she too knows what it’s like to make sacrifices.

“Sometimes I have to fly commercial,” she told supporters, while her staff quietly loaded luggage into a chauffeured Tesla convoy—complete with a spare Tesla following behind in case the first one got a smudge.

Her latest stump speech included anecdotes about “clipping coupons,” which critics say was just a metaphor for trimming her $10,000 Chanel jackets with gold-plated scissors.

Republican opponent Jack Ciattarelli pointed out that Sherrill once called her third beach house “a modest bungalow,” though property records show it boasts seven bathrooms, an elevator, a moat, and a panic room designed by Martha Stewart with complimentary crudité service.

When asked how she felt about wealth equity, she agreed it was important to her plans for the economy.

Some speculate she literally meant her stock portfolio diversification strategy.

When pressed about grocery prices, Sherrill froze, then admitted she hadn’t gone grocery shopping in years because “that’s what staff is for.”

Witnesses say she tried to pivot by bragging about once stepping into a Wegmans, only to clarify it was for a campaign photo-op—and that she thought “Wegmans” was short for “Wagyu Management.”

As of press time, campaign insiders say Sherrill is weighing whether to stage her next “working mom” photo-op inside a Whole Foods walk-in cheese cave or aboard her family’s private yacht, which staffers assure the public is “basically middle class, because it only has one helipad.”