SPLC Announces New Anti-Hate Strategy: Accidentally Send Donor Money Directly To The Hate

MONTGOMERY, AL — The Southern Poverty Law Center was thrown into damage control this week after reports alleged a former executive funneled donor money to a neo-Nazi informant, forcing the organization to clarify that fighting hate sometimes requires joint bank accounts, shared expenses, and a suspicious amount of pillow talk, sources have confirmed.

Officials reportedly insisted the arrangement was not hypocrisy, but “deep undercover anti-extremism with benefits.”

“This is exactly how hate monitoring works,” said one SPLC spokesperson while quietly shredding a brochure titled Trust Us, We Know Who The Bad Guys Are.

“Sometimes you have to follow the money. Other times the money follows your boyfriend.”

Donors were shocked to learn their contributions may have helped fund what experts are calling the first-ever Hate Hunter Loyalty Rewards Program, where every $60,000 in anti-hate donations earns one alleged extremist a year of personal expenses.

The SPLC quickly defended itself, explaining that while conservatives are dangerous extremists for attending school board meetings, actual extremists are “complex field assets” when they share a checking account with the right person.

Critics say the scandal raises questions about an organization that has spent years labeling everyone else a threat while allegedly needing GPS to locate the one sitting across the breakfast table.

As of press time, the SPLC had updated its donor page to read: “Give today. Your gift may help us fight hate, fund hate, date hate, or discover hate already has direct deposit.”