PHILADELPHIA, PA — District Attorney Larry Krasner unveiled an ambitious urban-improvement plan Wednesday beginning with the demolition of a building 140 miles away while several Philadelphia neighborhoods reportedly asked whether he could maybe start slightly closer to home, sources have confirmed.

Krasner promised to keep a chunk of President Trump’s White House ballroom as a paperweight after some future official demolition ceremony.

Residents immediately became inspired.

“Fantastic,” said one Kensington shopkeeper.

“When you’re done renovating Washington, could somebody pick up the shopping cart currently living in my intersection?”

City officials rejected the suggestion as dangerously local.

Krasner then presented his Priorities Map, featuring a giant red circle around Washington, D.C., and a tiny note over Philadelphia reading:

CHECK LATER.

One aide suggested taking rubble from abandoned Philadelphia buildings and turning that into paperweights instead.

He was removed for insufficient Trump content.

Another resident asked why the district attorney seemed more emotionally invested in hypothetical ballroom debris than problems occurring within driving distance of City Hall.

Officials accused him of weaponizing geography.

Krasner reportedly ordered a commemorative display case for the future ballroom fragment.

It arrived before several neighborhood improvement projects.

As of press time, Philadelphia residents were assured their city’s problems would be addressed immediately after Washington was sufficiently redecorated.