Democrats Unveil 2028 Dream Team: The Three Stooges Of The Left

WASHINGTON — Democrats unveiled their bold new 2028 strategy this week by placing AOC, Bernie Sanders, and New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani on stage together, creating what political experts are calling the first campaign ticket to fail three different ways at the same time, sources have confirmed.

Party insiders are calling them “The Three Stooges of the Left,” though lawyers quickly clarified the original Stooges were at least funny on purpose.

Mamdani opened the rally by proposing a 400% tax on anyone who owns two socks that match, with proceeds funding his new fleet of free city buses that don’t run, don’t stop, and are somehow already on strike.

Bernie Sanders followed by denouncing millionaires and billionaires before aides gently reminded him he is, in fact, one of them.

Sanders then corrected himself by shouting, “Tax the rich! And if my accountant asks, tell him I mean the other rich!”

AOC closed the event with her usual policy platform: volume.

Rather than answer questions, she screamed the word “systems” for six minutes while pointing south and demanding Alabama prepare for a busload of Brooklyn activists with ring lights and oat milk trauma.

DNC officials praised the trio as “fresh leadership,” despite their combined platform consisting of broken buses, accidental self-taxation, and yelling.

As of press time, Mamdani had taxed the microphone, Bernie had forgotten why he was mad, and AOC was still screaming inside a bulletproof case labeled “Democracy, But Louder.”