Minutes after uttering the phrase “the border should probably exist,” ESPN analyst Stephen A. Smith was reclassified by major media outlets as a Level-7 Ultra-MAGA insurrectionist, Sources have confirmed.
CNN immediately replaced all footage of Smith with a red flashing graphic reading “FORMER HUMAN BEING,” while MSNBC hosted a 14-hour emergency special explaining how acknowledging national boundaries is a gateway belief to owning a pickup truck.
The DNC reportedly convened a crisis summit where strategists attempted to determine how a lifelong Democrat accidentally observed cause and effect on live television.
Early theories included accidental exposure to a map, standing too close to a construction worker, or briefly making eye contact with a voter.
Within hours, progressive activists demanded Smith apologize to geography for platforming “lines drawn by colonial rulers like George Washington.”
Several professors clarified that borders are merely “suggestions created by vibes,” and enforcing them disproportionately harms people attempting to enter a country they were not previously in.
Meanwhile, President Trump released a statement thanking Smith for “achieving Stage One Reality Awareness,” adding that recovery is possible with gradual exposure to gas prices and grocery receipts.
ESPN has since replaced Smith’s show with a panel titled Sports Without Winners, where analysts discuss emotional participation metrics and award the Super Bowl to everyone involved.
As of press time Democratic leaders were drafting legislation to ban noticing things.
What a joke ESPN is becoming.. I left this show a long time ago but now I am truly glad I have not watched ESPN in years and I mean years. Sports is supposed to be about sports, athletes, competition, and who the best athletes are out there. That’s all ESPN is supposed to be about besides talking about the athletes and the games that are played.