In an effort to keep their product exciting despite recent controversies, the National Football League has announced a controversial and violent new “anything goes” policy regarding kickoffs, sources have confirmed.
“This season is going to be an absolute bloodbath on special teams,” said Roger Goodell, current commissioner and CEO of the NFL. “I think the fans are going to enjoy it. We had moved the spot of the kickoff a few years ago to try and change things up, but all that did was produce touchbacks. To counteract that, we’re introducing a no-rules anything-goes policy to all kickoffs and punts. As long there are only 11 guys out there for your team, anything goes. And I mean anything. Get creative.”
“Oh yeah, maybe don’t let your kids watch the kickoffs this year,” he added.
While the violent new rule seemed to please many fans, a lot of players were outspoken about their hesitancy to embrace them.
“Anything? Anything at all?” asked Marcus Booker, a rookie for the Denver Broncos. “Man, I was hoping to get some reps in at special teams to keep my spot on the roster. But if they’re going to be trying to stab and shoot me out there like The Hunger Games, maybe I’ll just aim to make the practice squad instead.”
As of press time, the NFL insisted the new approach to kickoffs was perfectly safe.
Bull Shit. NFL is going to extremes. Fans do not want to see athletes hurt.
Looks like the NFL is returning to the Roman Colosseum Days, more blood more people will be entertained!!!!!!! Hey it was successful then why not now???????
This is STUPID.
Well, no I am not in favor of this. We don’t need more players hurt and this new rule is going to create lots of problems. Quit changing the game so much. Time for the commissioner to take a hike. Ease
This is a bad idea. Who will be responsible when the first player is crippled for life or maybe even dies on the field. Is this what you want your children to see! The commissioner should be fired
Lol! So easy to see how the demonrats, and their propaganda ministry fool so many people every day. People even believe spoof stories!
And the New Woke Liberals RUIN another American institution – sports!
MY FAMILY WILL NOT BE WATCHING FOOTBALL ANY MORE. YOU ARE LOOKING LIKE WWE. GET RID RODGER GOODELL FOR GOOD IT’S ABOUT TIME.
this has to be a babylonbee type of joke. right?