BALTIMORE — Millions of visitors attending the World Cup have reportedly declared the United States “the greatest country on Earth” and begun exporting America’s finest cultural achievements back home, sources have confirmed.
According to officials, international fans who arrived expecting soccer and sightseeing instead discovered barbecue, ranch dressing, and recreational marijuana, creating what experts describe as the largest outbreak of spontaneous American patriotism ever recorded.
“We came for the World Cup, but then somebody handed us smoked brisket and a bottle of ranch,” said one English tourist.
“Now Liverpool deserves the same freedom.”
Authorities say the craze reached new heights after CBP agents in Baltimore seized a shipping container containing more than 10,000 pounds of marijuana allegedly bound for Liverpool.
Investigators believe the shipment was intended to help homesick fans recreate the full American experience once they returned overseas.
“They were basically building an American embassy made entirely of snacks and vibes,” one official explained.
European leaders have reportedly grown concerned after returning tourists began wearing cowboy hats, calling everyone “buddy,” and insisting that dipping sauce is a constitutional right.
Several British pubs have already added “Texas Night” menus featuring pulled pork, nachos, and suspiciously large side portions of ranch.
As of press time, customs officials had opened a second container and discovered enough Hidden Valley dressing to trigger a national emergency in France.
